What It's Like

I've always looked forward to finishing high school,
It's been rough and tough going and i'm proud i got through it,
And now with all the free time i have, i have a little too much time to think,
I realize that without school i really am fairly hopeless.

I feel like nothing goes my way, not that i'm helping myself along,
With everyday school life out of my head,
I feel like everybody wants something out of me, expects something bigger than what i am,
It's overwhelming it really is, even i thought i would make more of myself,
Here's the thing, i know what i want, i will do whatever it takes to get there and i don't like disruptions and wasted time,
You may look at me like i'm not doing anything with my life,
In truth i'm just doing what i need to do to get by, i don't need to be amazing, i don't crave to be special in any way, i don't need to be what anybody expects of me.

My dad thinks i'm everything that i'm not, he's tried all my life to make me into him, and now that i'm nothing he expected, it's just a lost hope, like when you draw a picture and it doesn't turn out the way you like so you throw it away.
I'm not whining, i'm just disappointed that that's what they think of me,
It makes me feel unwanted and lonely,
I'm not trying to be mean, after all he is my dad,
He hasn't been the greatest, but whenever i think of family all i think of is making them proud,
I wish they knew that too, maybe they would ask me more instead of expecting more.
Half of you will think i'm that dickhead who doesn't appreciate his parents,
Don't get me wrong of course i appreciate them, i have all my life,
It's just that once you reach a level where you know that they've given up on you, you start to give up on them too no matter how much you love em,
It's when you're finally old enough to realize that you can't take his shit anymore,
I hate to think it, but i can't imagine not thinking about it,
I owe a big part of my life to him of course, but it's gotten to a point where i feel like he owe's me,
I hate myself for letting myself be all depressed and weepy when all i had to do is stand up for myself,
It's only a matter of time.
People's expectations are everything you should not be, it could easily drive you mad, craving something that isn't even what you want, you may achieve it, in the end he's happy and you're not.
I may seem like a little bitch crying about his problems,
in your eyes i probably am