Life

I don't understand....right now i'm just mad at every single thing, everything that can possibly go wrong in life has done. I honestly don't know what i've done to deserve this, there's no such thing as karma, there's no such thing as good deeds, it's all bullshit. if youre a good person, or a bad person, your life is still going to be the same, nothing good is going to happen to you for doing good things, it's a fucking myth.
I don't know about everybody else but, in my eyes i've experienced a lot and from learning from that experience i think that i'm a fairly decent guy, i try to be the nicest guy i can be. Trust me, i've met a ton of assholes in my life, people who are vile, rude, mean, greedy, i've met them all. And i will never be like them.
Everybody tells me, "oh you're such a nice boy James", "you are too nice James". Everybody tells my mum, "I love your son, he's always smiling", "Your son is such a nice boy". I mean okay but what the fuck are words, i know i'm nice and i like being nice but so far it's done absolutely nothing for me, the only thing you are ever going to get is a "thank you", and in this fucked up cruel world nowadays you would be lucky to even get a thank you.
I've never been a bad kid, since i was young i've always been quiet and well-mannered, my parents taught me well. But i just give up, there's just no point anymore.
My parents are divorced, i'm studying in a school with a language i barely know and yet am told every single day that i'm not good enough, my family is broke, i'm surrounded with friends who are the happiest motherfuckers you will ever meet who have the most perfect families, who have everything, everything a kid could imagine, a full functioning family, and love amongst that family, i'm a smart kid who is in the wrong place to have a good future, i'm a shy guy who can't commit to anything serious, my passion is sports and every space of time i get free to play i get injured, i've broken my foot, i've broken my toe, i've broken my legs, i've broken my chance to ever be good in a sport, all this while my friends with perfect lives and families stay fit and beautiful throughout every single thing. I've blown every chance i've ever had with a girl due to my fucking shy ass attitude, i've never had a chance to be happy, and yet i smile, everyday i smile, saying that i'm fine...i'm okay, just to try and fit in with friends, who wants to be friends with a depressed poor idiot who doesnt know how to speak malay? I envy everybody, celebrities who are complete jerks, people who have tons of money but don't use it to help people in need, it's stupid, life is life and it is what you make of it, it's not about being nice or being a dick, it won't make a difference. the happiest island for example, somewhere near new zealand, is a tribe, black people who use leaves as pants, no money whatsoever, what have they done to deserve that? they are the nicest people on earth, they cherish everything that is given to them and yet, people have it in their minds that they are just stinky low-life junkees.
My mum is brilliant, kind-hearted loving person, nothing has gone her way, works hard everyday and gets paid with flies, i don't understand the concept, infact the whole fucking concept should just be scratched, not believed in, being a good person is not going to do anything in your life, it doesn't matter about your attitude it's about if you're lucky or unlucky.
I know i'm fucked, my whole life is fucked, my father fucked me over, everybody thinks i'm just another dumbfuck in school, i always get looked down upon, i work hard at everything, but right now i'm tired, sick and tired of everything, i know for sure that i'm never going to stop being a nice person, it's already me, but i will always have it on the back of my mind that there is really no point at all.